What is Outta Bounds?
Its your classic white American male pipe dream. A sports blog written by two college roommates with dreams of grandeur and becoming the next Bill Simmons. We would give up that dream in a heart beat though and go back to toiling silently away in the corporate America machine if it somehow created a butterfly affect and removed Dan Synder as owner of our beloved Redskins. But we were both finance majors in college (Go Dukes) and we’ve crunched the numbers… there’s no way short of us hiring a hitman for that to happen. So instead we decided to bombard the internet with our opinions on the only thing we can hold an in-depth conversation about: Sports.
Well Who the Hell are You Two?
For those of you out there reading this that aren’t our parents and don’t know who we are but for some reason give a shit, here’s a little background info on us.
The man with the self-proclaimed greatest last name ever, Patrick “That’s hamburger with an S in front” Shamburger.
I’ve always loved sports but never developed that thing they call “work ethic” that it is required to become great at them. Well, that and my older brother’s big ass stole all the height and girth in the gene pool. The pinnacle of my sports career was being the smallest person throwing discuss at the high school district track meet three years in a row. I did not make it to districts because I honed the technique or spent hours in the weight room bulking up. There was a rule (I guess stemming from the participation trophy mindset) that if your school didn’t have three throwers who met the district qualifications they just took your top three. So shout out to all of the football players at my high school that our strength and conditioning coach tried to recruit but couldn’t. They are the real heroes who allowed this 5’10” 135 pound kid in the marching band to also fill out “Varsity Athlete” on his college resume. Since my 2011 retirement from the professional discuss circuit, I now channel my freaskish athleticism into Spikeball, disc golf, and corn hole… ya know cardio intensive sports. My favorite teams are the Redskins, the North Carolina Tar Heels, and my Alma Mater, the 2016 Footabll National Champion J-M-U Duuuuukes!! (Clemson who?) My last parting fun fact is that I am unquestionably the better NBA 2K player when compared to my blogging counterpart.
Who is Evan Beach? Well to be honest he doesn’t even really know. Like Jon Snow he is a bastard child who was then forced to inherit a generic last name of whatever geographic surrounding he was in at the time of birth. So since he proudly hails from the 757 area code (or Virginia Beach to the non-commonwealth readers out there) he received the full name of Evan Beach. Unlike Jon Snow his four legged companion is not an albino direwolf but a bulldog named Gracie.
He is a die-hard DC sports fan and I mean that in a literal sense. His paternal lineage gifted him fandom of the Redskins at birth, a triumphant team before his arrival. Since his entrance into the world, they have been filled with gloom and despair, contributing to his bastard nature. In an act of what can only be termed insanity, he adopted the rest of DC sports, especially the Wizards and Nationals. The inability of any of the Washington D.C. professional sports teams to ever truly become a championship caliber team in their respective sport will probably be the death of him. Luckily for Evan though he is also a proud JMU Alum so at least he was able to experience one of his teams winning it all.